It’s taken me a long time to reach this point, and even longer before I was brave enough to say it out loud, but I will not be casting my vote for Hillary Clinton this election, even if she does become the party’s candidate. She is not my candidate. I find her views on war frightening and her allegiance to Israel’s right to bomb indiscriminately nauseating. Her financial plan offers more of the same old same old that got us here in the first place. I find her feminism unconvincing in light of the additional pain and suffering she has caused millions through her misguided support of “welfare reform,” and her willingness to “destroy” (again, her word) the women who called Bill Clinton on his sexual misdeeds. Finally I find her wooing of and pandering to the financial industry while offering full-throated support to regulation cynical and dishonest, to say the least. I find the financial industry’s allegiance to her even more worrying–they don’t support candidates unless they see a clear benefit for themselves in the relationship.
Most of all, I find her willingness to sacrifice ethics, morals, and values to political expediency absolutely terrifying. I’ve seen her run in two presidential elections now. Both times, she used tactics I found beneath contempt. Watching her misrepresent, distort, and lie about her record and Senator Sanders’ record has been a bad trip down memory lane.
It’s also been a timely reminder. I had forgotten much of what troubled me about her previous campaign. I had let the distasteful mess of the Lewinsky years slip from my mind. But she has encouraged us to recall those years, I presume because she thinks they’ll offer her credibility. Well, I have recalled those years now, and that gives me a timeline–I’ve seen her in action now for twenty years. When I look at her record over the long haul I am struck first by how very, very committed she has been to the pursuit of political power. She has been willing to sacrifice things that I think no one should sacrifice in pursuit of maintaining that power. Second I am struck by a pattern I see–she waffles and dodges and then, when an idea’s popularity becomes inevitable, she comes out in full-throated support–and claims she’s been there all along.
I know others see her differently–others are less bothered by what I see as her lapses–possibly legal lapses, although she most typically seems to achieve her ends by creatively stretching the law into shapes it was never intended to take–but even more by her ethical, moral, and judgment lapses. Why make up a story about running under fire when you know the landing was televised? Why take obscenely large payment for speeches to the financial sector when you must know you’re considering a presidential run (does anybody seriously think she wasn’t planning on running for this election from the day she conceded in 2008)? Why vote for a war that you have every reason to know is unjustified (others certainly knew–why did Hillary, that great international expert, not know)? Why create at least the strong appearance of impropriety by rewarding Clinton Foundation donors with State Department support and favors?
Even if we put the best possible construction on each of these issues, we have a choice between a Hillary who is criminally corrupt or a Hillary who is weak, venal, and terribly, terribly short-sighted, and certainly as poorly advised as ever Ethred the Unready was (look him up–it’s a funny story; I promise you).
I have a lot of reasons to not vote for Hillary. But why Bernie? I’m voting for him for three reasons:
1. First, because when I look at his record over the last thirty years, I see something very different from Hillary’s record: I see a principled man who has consistently fought for a set of core issues–the same core issues that have formed the basis of his campaign. Is he perfect? No. I differ with him on gun control, to mention just one thing. But here’s the thing: I know where he stands. He stands precisely where he has always stood–for social and economic justice for those of us who cannot afford to pay $225,000 for a house, let alone a speech. He fought for his ideals when they were unpopular. But now those ideals’ time has come–and Hillary, in true Hillary fashion, has suddenly discovered that she supported them all along. ($15 minimum wage, anyone?)
2. I am voting for Bernie Sanders I’ve seen the way the two candidates have conducted themselves under the pressure of the campaign–in interviews, on the debate stage, and in rallies. And I find Sanders’ conduct infinitely more palatable.
3. Most important, I am voting for Bernie Sanders because Hillary Clinton’s message throughout the campaign has been,”Dreams are for suckers. Accept the status quo. You’ll never change anything. You might as well not try.”
I don’t accept that. I don’t accept that because for me, it’s just not true. My life has broken more often than anybody’s life should. Each time it broke I faced a decision: I could just try to get back to “normal”–to re-establish the status quo–or I could take a deep breath, look around, and use my broken life as an opportunity to ask myself, “What is it I really want to be? What do I really want to do with my future?” And then, somehow–maybe because things were so broken there really was nowhere to go but up–I took the leap into the unknown. I dreamed big. I took hold of those dreams and let them pull me to a better place.
Was that new place perfect? No. But that new place was built on dreams, not fear. And when the new place breaks–and it does–I know that I can dream big again.
I am not voting for Hillary because her pitch asks me to pipe down, get in line, accept the corruption in our political system, stop trying to be my best self. She’s asking me to kill a little bit of my soul. I am voting for Bernie for the same reason I voted for Barack Obama–because he’s challenging me to grow, to dream, to believe that though we are no great shakes as a nation right now, we can be better, if we work at it. Dreams don’t come easy. We’ve seen that.
Quite likely Bernie Sanders will lose the primary. I could argue about the shenanigans we’ve seen, but others could very rightly say that our politics have always had shenanigans. They would be right. But here’s the thing: Just because something’s always been there doesn’t make it right. And now that I have the opportunity to actually vote for a candidate with integrity, why on earth would I throw that opportunity away on “business as usual?”