Posts Tagged ‘Humor’

Tonight The Boy and I were watching “Which Die Is That Again?” on YouTube and laughing like hyenas and visiting their webstore and plotting future purchases (a t-shirt that says “Game Master: Because My Shirt Says so”) when suddenly, out of the clear blue sky, he said, “Play that Sarah Palin song, Mom.”

“Which one?” I asked, after a brief scan of the memory banks.

“You know, the one with the man and the lady just staring into the camera,” he said.

And it all came back to me.

And so for today, join me, if you will, in the Wayback Machine, which we’ll set for late summer, 2008.

But before we go, a brief word about some of the unsung heroes of our modern society, the nameless, faceless, drones who sit in windowless cubicles in some featureless gray tower from which there is no ingress or egress except at shift changes, view the misspelled and often erroneous word strings we type into the “search” bars, dive into a massive vault of old electronic files (I picture it sort of like Scrooge McDuck’s money vault, but with thumb drives) and emerge clutching a clean, shining byte of information in their trembling, pasty hand. Often it’s not the right byte, which is how we happened upon the Sarah Palin song in the first place, but this time, armed only with the information that I wanted a song about SP, sung by a man and woman sitting in front of unfortunate orange wallpaper, staring into the camera my search bar minion came up with the right answer in under a minute. We listened to it again, and loved it as much as we did the first time and so, for your viewing pleasure, and because I remembered to copy the “share” code before I closed the window, without further ado, I present, “The Sarah Palin Song Sung By A Man And A Lady Staring Into The Camera.” It’s not what YouTube calls it, but hey, that’ll get you there. Enjoy. Thank you, Search Bar Minion.

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Because life is hard, and the week is long, and because none of the lightning bolts struck too near the Magic Doghouse last time, let’s try this…For our third Friday funny, we proudly present a snapshot in time, recently departed.

This week’s Friday Funny also pays homage to what has become one of our favorite customs around here: We celebrate Christmas in July. Yes, you read that right–we haul out our plastic Christmas tree, and we set it up in the room formerly known as the dining room which hasn’t yet really been repurposed. We decorate it with things like silk sunflowers and daisies and goldenrod because, hey, it’s July. We bake Christmas cookies and candy. We play carols. We watch Christmas specials. We crank the air conditioner and don our favorite Christmas attire. We invite over like-minded friends. And we celebrate. Boy, do we celebrate. In some ways it’s better than Christmas at Christmas because it’s ours–our very own invented holiday, re-tooled and dropped right smack dab where we need one most.

This year, I find myself with a greeting card on my hands that expresses the Spirit of Christmas in July perfectly. It’s a little more political than we usually get over here, but hey, there are animals in it. Animals are Christmassy in July…ie? Whatever. Who doesn’t like animals? It’s like the Discovery Channel, right? Right? Sort of? Oh well, enjoy!

The Holy Republican Family, with Holy Elephant, and Holy Cow.

I think the rest you can handle on your own. The Naughty Monkeys didn’t make it into the caption, but they’re there, tastefully subdued in the background.

This art is mine, mine, mine. If you want some of it, head over to my CafePress store and pick some up. There are all kinds of goodies there.

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Because life is hard, and the week is long, the Magic Dog has suggested that we end it with a little humor. Possibly tasteful, possibly not. Enjoy. And wear rubber-soled shoes, in case of lightning bolts.

And on the seventh day God rested from all he had done. But then Adam awoke, and aroseth on the Wrong Side of the Bed, and he was full wroth, and sayeth unto the Lord God, “My head Splitteth, and I would thou wouldst strike it from my shoulders. Why didst thou not tell me that Wine is a Mocker and Strong Drink is Raging before I polished off that last bottle of tequila?”

And the Lord repented what He had done, and arose and created Hawaii, and planted a coffee plantation in the midst of it, and harvested the beans thereof, and created an Espresso Machine so tall and shining it reached unto heaven, and Adam cursed and spake wrathfully again, and demanded a Hair of the Dog, but the Dog heard Adam and was sore afraid, and fled to the End of the World, and hid himself in a cleft in the rocks thereof.

And God spake, and behold, the Espresso Machine brought forth a Large Cup of Strong Coffee, and God blended it with milk, and steam, and whipped milk to foam, and created cinnamon for an Garnishment, to please the palette, and said,

“Behold, thou shalt call its name, “Venti Double-shot Cappuccino,” and it shall be a token of the covenant between me and thee, that Strong Drink shall not triumph on the Morning After, and mankind shall not perish from the face of the earth.

And then God gaveth the Venti Double-shot Cappuccino to Adam, and sayeth unto him, “Drink ye all of it, and trouble me no more for yet awhile. I was resting. It’s supposed to be my Day Off.”

And Adam sayeth unto the Lord, “What about breakfast? And what am I supposed to do whilst Thou are Resting? Tellst Thou me that! Thou has not provided me with Television, nor with Cable, nor yet with an Helpmeet to be fruitful and multiply or at least while away the weekend morning hours, nor even with ESPN. What about the Sports Section? Or the Funnies? Tell me Thou at least gettest the Funnies.”

And the Lord God repented in His heart that he had made Man, and in desperation made Woman to keep man occupied and out of the Lord God’s hair for five frigging minutes.

This is mine, all mine.
If you’d like one of your own, pop on over to the store
and pick up a mug, t-shirt, or poster (you might need to
scroll down to find the posters; there’s a lot of stuff in here).

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Susan Wittig Albert

NYT Bestselling Author


WRITER, memoir teacher, knitter, quilter, happy trail walker...

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